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My Story

Years of personal work led me to this realization: this is my purpose, this is my calling. I am finally home.

When I was 28, I became pregnant for the first time. My husband and I were thrilled. But at week 21, the ultrasound revealed our baby boy had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which means half of his heart had not developed and he would die when born (unless we found a perfect heart and he went through a heart transplant and a lifetime of surgeries and complications). We chose to terminate the pregnancy, the hardest and most painful decision we have ever had to make. It scarred me forever and made me fearful about my possibilities of having a healthy baby. So when I got pregnant again and had my daughter, I gave up all my power to the provider who I perceived as the one who would help me have a healthy baby. And he did. But to get there, I was induced at week 40 with Pitocin. This ended in fetal heart distress and an emergency C-section. Whatever the outcome, I had my healthy baby girl and I was thrilled. Then my son was born and I was again scared and powerless, with no one to advocate for me. I had a planned C-section at week 40 (because no one told me a VBAC was a possibility), and this one came with even more trauma. The epidural did not take on half my body and when the doctor started cutting, I felt every tear and screamed from the pain. I can still see that mask coming down my face. The mask that put me out and made it so I was unable to hold my son for 2 hours after he was born. To this day, I still do not know what happened to my son during those hours. Did anyone hold him? How much time passed before they allowed my husband to hold him?

And then I got pregnant again. And my baby boy’s heart stopped beating at week 20. I delivered my stillborn baby.

And I got pregnant again. And my baby boy’s heart stopped beating again at week 19. I had to have an abortion (D&C).

But I was set on having another baby. And I got pregnant again. And my baby boy’s heart stopped beating again at week 18. Another abortion (D&C).

And the last miscarriage, happened at week 12. I was actually relieved this happened so early on and my body naturally released the baby.

Seven pregnancies, 2 children, 5 traumatic losses.

​I managed to transform my experience after a therapeutic process that led me to professionalize the help that I had been giving to so many moms who have suffered losses during all these years. I became a Doula to give future moms what I wish I had during my seven pregnancies, my two births, and my five losses: emotional, physical and spiritual support, information and education, help during childbirth, and support to protect the rights and wishes of mom in any situation. Nothing is more important to me now than making sure my mamas-to-be have the best possible pregnancy and birthing experience, especially those who have been through the painful path of loss or have struggled with fertility.

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